25 ways to annoy the Twilight Characters
by SlightlyGayPirate
Summary: just a bunch of ways to annoy the twilight characters. written while i had nothing better to do rated T just incase
1. Edward

**25 ways to annoy Edward Cullen**

When he listens to classical music, tell him "this music is rubbish! You should have better music; you've been around long enough" and leave the room.

Put a mouse in his piano so the next time he goes to play it, he hears squeaking noises when he presses any button.

Tell him Bella has left him for Emmett and that Rosalie would gladly marry him now that Emmett is out of the picture.

When you're around him, start getting songs like "it's a small world" stuck in your head.

When he's deep in thought, stand next to him and talk to him through your mind and tell him you're his conscience.

When him and Bella are in the bedroom, stand by their door and say "I know what you're dooooing" in your mind.

Kidnap Nessie and give her to Jacob and ask him where she is.

When he asks Alice where she is and she can't find her either, say "well you guys are a couple of useless vampires" and walk away.

Draw a really spastic stick figure and give it to him and tell him it's a self portrait of him that you drew.

Tell him that you got his Volvo pregnant. (if you're female, this one is sure to confuse him)

Replace his sofa with a bed.

The next morning ask him if his bed was comfy enough for his sleep that night.

When he tells you he didn't sleep, have a breakdown and think it's because the bed was too lumpy.

When he yells at you, simply reply with "whatcha gonna do Edward? Go to Italy?"

Give him really lame nicknames like "Edweirdo, Edwina, Eddie-kins" any of these are sure to annoy him.

Call him the 107 yr old virgin.

Steal all his cds and replace them ALL with the "Like A Virgin" single by Madonna.

When he asks you if you know what happened, reply in your mind "I saw Gramps do it" and walk away.

If he asks you to help him with something, start thinking of all the pro's and con's of it in your mind, but emphasise the unimportant parts of the sentence.

Get a temporary tattoo that says "Edward was here, *enter date here*" on your ass and show Bella.

When she yells at Edward, pretend to be Edwards conscience again and tell him "I told you, cheating on Bella was a bad idea."

Hide in Edwards closet, get into a skin coloured, skin tight body suit covered in feathers, and in the morning, leave his room while Bella walks past.

When Edward gets word of your stunt, reply "hey you should've been more careful with those pillows last night" loud enough for Bella to hear you.

Buy the Jonas Brothers for him and tell him that Kevin wants his babies.

When he refuses, tell Kevin very solemnly that it won't work out between you two.


	2. Emmett

**25 Ways to Annoy Emmett Cullen**

1. Tell him Rosalie has left him for Mike

2. Put a life size, stuffed grizzly bear in his room and film him attacking it

3. Put said video onto YouTube

4. Make him watch Star Trek for a whole week non-stop

5. Take away all of his video games just because

6. Make him give up Rosalie for a week to get his video games back

7. Change all his manly music to really feminine music

8. Deck out his jeep in Barbie decorations, and pink things.

9. Remind him constantly about that one time, when Bella beat you at arm wrestling.

10. Force him to watch creepy animated movies

11. Tell him that he's managed to eat every grizzly bear on the planet and they're now extinct

12. Film his reaction and send it to all the vampires

13. Go around Forks High telling everyone that he's on steroids

14. Get Bella to arm wrestle him again and film him lose

15. Kidnap Rosalie and make sure Edward and Alice don't tell him where she is

16. Tell him Nintendo stopped making video games

17. Make his cd player only play Hannah Montana and the Jonas Brothers

18. Make sure he can't take either discs out of it and can't put others in

19. Redecorate his room to suit Rosalie's taste

20. Tell him all the close game stores have closed forever

21. Give him knockout drugs and give him breast implants while he's out of it

22. Make Joe Jonas ask him out on a date

23. Call him ridiculous nicknames like Emmy-Kins Emmy-Pie

24. Force him to take Ballet Lessons with the Jonas Brothers

25. Force him to listen to a whole Opera sung by Brandon **(A/N: my friends brother)**

**Wow never thought this one would be classed as funny =] but then again, adding the Jonas Brothers into a torture device for the Cullen's is pretty funny. (Sorry to any JB fans) well review me! Give me ideas for how to annoy different characters and who should be annoyed next!**

**A/N my friend's brother can't sing. Hencing why he's being used as a torture device LOL**


	3. Bella

**25 Ways to Annoy Bella Cullen/Swan**

Put ice on every available surface that she normally walks over

Keep buying her fancy cars for every day of the week

Tell her Edward left her for Tanya

When she has a mental break down, reassure her by telling her that Mike is always available (**AllApologies451994**)

Every time you ask her for something, call her by her full name

Let Alice fill Bella's wardrobe

Tell Alice that Bella wants to go shopping

Replace all of her school items with Dora the explorer school items

Lock her in a room with Eric and Mike for a day

Tell her that Edward is leaving her for a Plasma TV

Tell her Edward got the Volvo pregnant

Stamp her head with a smiley face stamp

Give her walking sticks to help her keep her balance during the day

Keep giving her Mike's number

Tell her to stop being so mean to Mike by rejecting him so much

Tell her that Tyler has already bought her a corsage for prom

Buy her a really expensive present for her birthday

Tell her James has come back for her

Stare at her for ages until she says something

Sniff her hair then say, " now I see why Cullen didn't like the way you smell"

Buy her every Jonas Brothers cd for her birthday

Ask her how it feels that Edward left her for Kevin Jonas

Ask her if she's going to get with Mike Newton or Troy Bolton

Tell her Nessie had human/wolf/vampire babies with Jake

Tell her the Volturi are looking forward to her joining the guard


	4. Aro

**25 Ways to Annoy Aro Volturi**

When he touches you, say "MIND RAPE" in your mind

Touch him constantly

When he asks why you keep touching him, say "I thought you wanted to know what I was doing every moment of the day."

When he touches you, imagine him and Jane kissing

For his birthday, get him Anti-wrinkle cream

For Christmas, get him a voucher to get a free eye-lift

Tell him that Alice, Edward, Jasper, Bella and Nessie would rather watch grass die than join his guard

Ask him questions every 5 seconds

When he gives up on trying to answer say, "what, you can't answer a simple question?"

Write an encyclopaedia on Aro's life after listening to him tell you stories about his life

Make sure you put "Aro Volturi" as the author of the book

Give him said book to him for his birthday (make sure you run after handing it to him, to not risk getting smacked on the head with the massive encyclopaedia)

Ask him why he never cuts his hair

Call him a paedophile

Buy him an iPod and fill it with J-Pop music

Make a manga about the Volturi

When he keeps asking why you're giving him so many Japanese things, reply, "you are Japanese, right."

Cover yourself in glitter and walk out into the sunlight, exclaiming, "I AM A VAMPIRE!"

Build him a library full of books written in Korean, Arabic, German, Spanish, French, Japanese and Norwegian but nothing in Italian

Give him an Italian recipe book and ask if all the tomato sauce is actually blood

Tell him Mitchel Musso wants to go out on a date with him

When he asks who Mitchel Musso is, hire out every Hannah Montana dvd for him

When he asks which one is Mitchel, glare at him and say, "he's the cute one! You know, Oliver? You're a terrible boyfriend for him"

Buy him everything High School Musical

Tell tourists that the Volturi castle is haunted

**A/N: kay well I don't know who to do next. Ideas people? Please include ways to annoy them as I am stumped for ideas. Even though it took me 8 minutes to write around the last 20... I know they've lost funnyness, I'll do jasper next because of reasons that will be found out when it's done =] hopefully up tonight too. ENJOY!**


	5. Alice

**25 Ways to Annoy Alice Cullen**

Tell her the shops have all closed down

Change your mind on a regular basis

Think out all your plans in a different language

Change your mind in several different languages all at once

Redecorate her porshe

Call her "Pixie" all the time

Ask if she has any Pixie Caramels on her

Ask her when Willy Wonka is coming to take her to the factory as another lost Oompa Loompa

Ask her how it feels to lose her husband to 16 yr old Nick Jonas

Speak Hebrew to her

When she replies in Hebrew, say something else in a different language

Make plans to go see the Quileutes

Ask her if jasper crushes her when they have sex

Call her a midget

Dress up as a cop and use a terrible fake Italian accent and arrest her for grand theft auto

When she asks you what you think of her new dress, shake your head and reply, "you have seriously got no style"

When she can't decide between a light pink and a dark pink shirt, say, "pink is sooo not you're colour" then run

Hide all of her credit cards

Close her bank accounts down and withdraw all her money

Tell her that Miley Cyrus wants to go on a date

Buy her stilts

Buy her huge heeled shoes

Call her short in said shoes or stilts

Give Renesmee to Jacob and ask Alice where she is

Cut up all of her clothes and steal all of her shoes

**A/N: YAYYY another chapter done =] got any ideas for others? I've started Jasper and Nessie but I'm pretty stumped for ideas. I might make a list of characters I'll do. Enjoy!**


	6. Renesmee

**25 Ways to Annoy Renesmee Cullen**

Tell her that Jacob was killed in a hunting accident

Tell her Frankie Jonas thinks shes cute

Tell her about the birds and the bees

Get Emmett to tell her about the birds and the bees using props

Tell her Jacob left her for Leah

Tell her that Jacob got put in jail for paedophilism

Tell her they cancelled blue's clues

Tell her they cancelled all childrens programs because Barney ate them all

Buy her Barney toys for her birthday and Christmas, preferably the ones that talk

Ask her if she can tell you the entire bible through her mind

Tell her if her children will be more vampire or more wolf

Ask her how her date with Frankie Jonas went

Buy her a puppy called Jacob

Call her the Loch Ness Monster

Give Scottish people flyers saying I found the Loch Ness Monster

Ask her when shes going to visit her homeland (Scotland)

Buy her Bagpipes for her birthday

Buy her a kilt for Jacob

Send her to a Scottish party

Ask her if it's her mom or her dad that is of Scottish descent

Ask her whereabouts in Scotland shes from

Tell her that her parents killed Jacob

Talk with a Scottish accent around her

Ask her if her favourite food is haggis

Ship Jacob off to Scotland and tell her he's waiting for her

**A/N: okay I know some of these sucked really badly but it's all I could come up with. This proves I need some ideas people! I do read my reviews because you're all so kind enough to tell me that these are funny but I don't get many ideas from you. I love to hear from others =] I'll make an a/n chapter with a list of all the characters I'll want ideas for. (yes I know boring) but I wont if you all help me as I go =] review!**


	7. Jasper

**25 Ways to Annoy Jasper Hale**

Change your emotion constantly

When he walks away from you, feel sad, break down into tears and say, "don't you like me anymore?!"

Ask him when his new boyfriend is coming over

When he asks, "what boyfriend" simply reply, "Nick Jonas"

Ask him if he, Emmett and Edward are going to triple date with the Jonas Brothers

Ask him if it's harder to have sex with a midget

Feel strong emotions of lust for any of his family members

Feel strong emotions of lust for him

Call him Jazzy-kins

Make terrible puns about his name

Buy him razor blades for his birthday

Call him the Emo Vampire

Give him black band shirts

Buy him heavy metal cds

Buy him screamo cds

Start feeling depressed around him

When he starts getting depressed because of you say, "stop being all emo, Jasper"

Ask him which famous people's emotions he's toyed with

Let the fan girls go after him and attack him

Ask him how his triple date with Edward, Emmett, and the Jonas Brothers went

Ask him if he can block emotions like Edward can drown out the voices in his head

Ask him annoying questions all day long

Call him Jaspierre

Remind him that the Confederates didn't win the civil war

When doing naughty things like picking locks to get into peoples houses, when he asks you to pick the lock, say, "Whitlock?"

**A/N: okay well this one is random and its like 2 chapters late. (I said I'd do Jasper after Aro) I reckon the last one is funny =] it took me AGES to write this because my computer kept restarting itself and not saving the last thing I wrote so I couldn't remember it. Well its done now, so enjoy! I'm starting my list of characters I will do. I'll be nice and wont post it on the story, but I'll be able to keep track of who I have done and stuff.**

**REVIEW!**


	8. Rosalie

**25 Ways to Annoy Rosalie Hale**

Make blonde jokes all the time

Make her babysit Jacob while everyone's getting Nessie ready for her first date with him

Change all her clothes for emo/goth clothing

Burn all her make-up

Tell her everything makes her look fat

Find a baby and look after it around her. Make sure you return the baby before the parents notice

Spell her name wrong all the time

Call her Rose

Call her Rosalina

Every time she says something mean say, "this rose still has its thorns"

Tell her Emmett left her for Joe Jonas

Remind her she can't have children

Tell her she's hideous

Tell Jacob to give her blood in a dog food bowl with "bitch" scratched into it

Tell her no one likes her because she doesn't have a cool power and shes mean

Walk around with Nessie having "child to child" talk. Something Rosalie will never witness again

Tell her to take the stick out of her butt and be happy for bella

Throw her a baby shower

When she opens the presents and sees baby things say, "It's for your baby!"

When she explains that she isn't having a baby, take back the gifts and leave.

Stare at her and say, "What did Emmett ever see in her..."

Duct tape her to a tree and force her to watch all her make-up burn

Replace all her shoes with hobo sandals

By her a female puppy and call it Rosalie Jr.

Take pictures of Emmett and Rosalie having sex and put said pictures all over the house

**A/N: yayyy 3****rd**** chapter today for you =] I've composed my list of 56 I think it was (yes I know. Alot) I'm not sure if all of them will be easy to do or not so I'll let you know who's next so you can help give me ideas.**

**Next up: Carlisle**

**REVIEWWW! Cuz me love those**

**You gets cookie and fruit loops if you do. ( : : ) ( o ) ( : : ) ( o ) ( : : ) ( o )**


	9. Carlisle

**25 Ways to Annoy Carlisle Cullen**

Go to Forks Hospital constantly with fake symptoms and always ask for Carlisle

When you get Carlisle for your "illness" and he asks about it, tell him, "if it wasn't for Edward, I might be almost dying"

When you see him in the hospital, come in bleeding and scream, "STAY AWAY FROM ME! I KNOW YOU'RE SECRET!" and run out of the hospital

Ask him questions about an illness that you made up

When he answers the questions, ask what the illness is called

When he tells you the real name to your made up illness, shout "NO IT ISN'T! IT'S CALLED *insert made up name here*! YOU ARE A TERRIBLE DOCTOR!"

Ask him how many medical degrees he has

Ask how many of said medical degrees are still valid

Ask him why he didn't become a veterinarian

Call him Dr. Fang

Call him Dr. Vamp

"faint" whenever he comes in to the emergency room

Find a new way to go to the emergency room every day just to see him

When you go to the emergency room, take a picture of him and ask for his autograph

Ask him constantly who changed him

Tell him that the Volturi never wanted him because he isn't special

Ask him why Esme and Edward were sooo special to him that he had to change them

When he explains, tell him he is selfish

When he keeps trying to make you understand why, block your ears and shout "LALALALA" at the top of your lungs

For his birthday, buy him a stripper dressed as a nurse

Buy him a stripper dressed as a nurse in a cake for no reason

Tell him Esme left him for Edward, but you've heard Bella is back on the markets

Buy him one of the new iPod shuffles (they confuse me, so they probably confuse really old people too)

Keep sending him anonymous presents to his house

Send him a thong/g-string/small underwear that covers nothing/whatever you call it to his house for Esme to find. (works best if preworn and not washed)

**A/N: I try to cater for all countries (noticeable with the last one). ENJOY! This is the most you'll get until Tuesday next week after my exams =] I'm waiting for my iPod to finish syncing so I have music and then I really need to restart my computer for internet and so I can study so I'll have something to do during my Ancient History exam tomorrow that I'll most likely fail. But I WILL study tomorrow BEFORE my exam aswell =]**

**If you have any ideas for someone I haven't done yet, review me/PM me/e-mail me. All ideas will be accepted and put in to action as I am not really that funny. Most come to me when I can't write it down or my word doesn't save the real funny ones so I forget. (it took me FOREVER to write some of them because my computer kept crashing as I tried to write them, so I kept getting stumped for ideas)**


	10. Esme

**25 Ways to Annoy Esme Cullen**

Break all her china

Take her shopping to get new china and break it all before she buys it

Redecorate her house

Make it gothic style

Make it princess style

Make it sex party style

Walk into her house and say, "eurgh. Who decorated this house? It looks like the interior designer came in here blindfolded!"

Tell her she isn't a real mom

Move all the furniture from one room to a different room

Paint every room mismatching colours to the furniture

Stock up her kitchen with human food

Show up on her doorstep every night with your own knife and fork and a bib

When she looks at you funny say, "Look in your kitchen. Doh" and let yourself in

Dye her hair bleach blond

Ask her if she's Team Edward or Team Emmett or Team Jasper

When Edward, Emmett, Jasper, Alice, Rosalie and Bella are at school, dress up as the police, claim the school has been closed down and then question where her children are

Show up on her doorstep with a clipboard and "assess" the exterior of her house

Show up the next day and invite yourself in and "assess" the interior of her house

Send her a letter saying she needs to rethink her exterior and interior designs for her house

Turn her house into a children funhouse

Invite the local child day-care centre to her new children funhouse house

Give them lolly bags on the way in

"forget" to put bins in the house

Host a massive teenage party with alcohol and drugs at her house

Make sure the police are already busy and can't make it to her destroying house to stop the massive party

**A/N: Decided you could all do with an update (: its actually been sitting on my computer for a while so yeh. I'll actually write a proper chapter soon, just going through trying to figure out why I have 12 documents on my folder for this story if I have 9 on the site and one of them is a list of all the characters I'm writing a chapter for. So now I have 11 accounted for documents and just one more to sort out. Please review! I love reviews as much as I love Nick Jonas. And if you know me, you'll be screaming into a pillow while thinking about pelting me with rocks after reading that. Heh heh.**


	11. Leah

**25 Ways to Annoy Leah Clearwater**

Tell her Jacob imprinted on her

Tell her that Sam left Emily for Nessie and that they had  
vampire-human-werewolf babies **(HowDoesThatMakeMeFeelJasper)**

Tell Jacob the same and tell him that Leah told Sam to and that she's telling  
him to 'bring it on'. **(HowDoesThatMakeMeFeelJasper)**

Tell her that Rosalie is having dirty thoughts about her. **(HowDoesThatMakeMeFeelJasper)**

Tell her that no one will ever want her because she's the only female werewolf

Tell her that female dogs are the unwanted dog

Tell her she gives mans best friend a bad name

Put her into a dog obedience school

Give her cat food

When she does something wrong, shout, "Bad kitty!"

Redecorate her room with pictures of kittens

Tell her female dogs aren't anywhere close to being as cute as male kittens

Sign her up to

Make sure she ends up getting matched with a 30 yr old asian man who owns a dump **(A/N: like literally. The place where you take trash. My friend signed up to and got matched with that dude lol)**

Give her a pet fish, mouse, cat and bird.

Give her a rabid squirrel for her birthday

Give her a buzz-cut and show her off to the girls at school

Make a TV show about her and have the hobo down the street play her

Write her a fake love letter

Set her up on a blind date with a paedophile

Adopt a bunch of children for her just so she can feel motherly for the first (and only) time in her life

Get her a husband from

Make sure it's a nightly rental only

Comfort her by telling her that he was cheating on her anyway

Then tell her she is dying from AIDS so it doesn't matter that she never got to have children of her own

**A/N: YAY I found my missing chapter. Well it wasn't missing, it just was making my folder one extra document bigger than it should have been. Okay well I have a list of fanfics to add chapters to for today. One down, 3 to go. Remember, I love reviews as much as I love Nick Jonas. Please don't tell him though. That would be weird. And all *awkward* and yes he does have Twitter too. I wanted to tell him to read my Jonas Brothers inspired story. Only because no one will. I might update it just to get people to read it :D heh heh heh… crap now they'll know from reading this :( well read it anyway! Pleeeeeeeease. I rewrote SOS for it! I made it ten times better!**


	12. Jacob

**25 Ways to Annoy Jacob Black**

Tell him Justin Bieber wants a date

Steal all of his music and replace it with "soothing dog noises"

For his birthday, give him dog collars and flea shampoo

Whenever he does good in school, reward him with doggy treats

When out shopping, keep him away from the cats at the pet store

During sleepovers, when everyone else is eating junk food, give him dog food

Every time you need to go out places grab a dog collar and leash and say "come on puppy! Time for your walkies!"

After telling him its time for walkies, proceed with placing the collar around his neck and attaching the leash to the collar.

When he does something naughty, swat his nose and say "Bad doggie!" In a strong but firm voice.

When you forget to do your homework, blame it on Jacob.

Only allow him to eat out of a dog bowl.

Make sure he is aware that he isn't allowed on any furniture. This includes not being allowed to sit at the table for meals.

He is only allowed to do his business outdoors.

The only time he is allowed off his leash outside of the house is when he's at the dog park playing Frisbee with the other dogs.

Redesign his room so that all his chew toys are in one corner, there's an easy accessible doggy door to outside for whenever he needs to do his business, his doggy bed with teddy bear in another corner and drawings of other dogs on the walls.

Have conversations with him in dog language.

Every year his birthday is celebrated by how many more dog years older he is rather than human years.

If he isn't happy to see you when he comes home, threaten him with having him put down.

Bring him grocery shopping with you so he can help you pick his favourite flavour of kibble.

Set up doggy play dates with your friend's pet dogs.

When he's left home alone, make sure he knows the rules and lock up the cupboards and fridge but fill his food and water dishes.

Feed him your food scraps after a meal.

When he reaches puppy puberty, make sure he understands the concept of "the birds and the fleas."

Nickname him Fido.

Once he gets used to being treated like a dog, start treating him like a human.

**A/N: Okay so this is the last chapter for this fic. Thank you to everyone who enjoyed it! Thank you to every review. If you enjoyed this one, you might enjoy some of my other Twilight stuff that I'm going to finish off soon. I want to start some new fics that relate to what I'm now interested in so yeah. :) enjoy! **


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